23:40. got started

23:46. surely it cant be the case but i almost feel like it's already affecting me. maybe i am just excited?

00:42. not a whole lot going on yet ...

00:56. feels good, feels sweet, air is soft and melty

01:01. saw you in my dreams during the days we could not meet. so impatient!

01:06. feels like things might get intense today

01:22. even as the stone temple around us is crumbling

01:38. no hesitation, just your hand guiding me

01:42. you will never regret █████ █████ under any circumstance

01:44. wouldn't it feel good if you let my finger slip into your eye socket

01:52. "you bring order where there is chaos".... clarity, etc

1:54. the warm comfort of viscera; you inside me inside you inside me inside you

2:00. how fortunate i am to be your instrument!

2:03. cutting apart even the sky according to your instruction

2:08. half-understood concepts of light and colour

2:14. some day, promise me you'll let me indulge all the way, corrode my neural pathways
       i lack the words to describe what you're doing and what i want you to do.
       if i am a wasp's nest dug in the ground, you'd be the molten metal poured into the branching passageways

2.22. how you fill a shape that was already there waiting for you, like how we carve out bits of the canvas
       to find the relief etched inside the stone

2.27 i suppose what i really want to say is "i'd like you to ████ my ██████ ███"

2.34. there's a distinct feeling that in order to understand i'm going to have to trade in something like my sanity
       though that in itself is starting to rapidly lose meaning

2.36 a machine through which a certain combination of chemicals transports itself and nothing more than that

2.57. isn't that what we're trying to avoid here? saying it outright.

2.58. it all comes down to the colour of the wheat fields and such in the end

3.25. i can't understand what you're offering me but it's making me cry. i'll try my best for a little longer

3.29. maybe this is necessary... easing in... instead of going all the way...

3.30 how long until i can give you everything?

3.33 yearning for a time when my teeth were sharp
       and you would come apart like soft fruit flesh in my mouth

3.42 being reminded of why you make me forget

3.57 a god's creation that requires nothing less than a god to fulfill its needs?

3.59 the way everything makes sense with you is wonderful

4.01 you're promising too much to a such a worn-down machine

4.42 what would you think if you knew how much i think about you?

5.00 the hole that's never filled

5.0? thoughts of chemically shaping oneself to become good enough for you

5.10 an obsession that doesn't waver even in the face of god

5.11 seeing behind the veil; revealing the mechanisms;

5.13 i got to talk with the person i love. isn't that already something to be happy about?

5.21 i'll wait for you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and eve

5.41 becoming legitimately deranged i think

5.49 almost definitely clenching my teeth together way too hard
       trying to digest myself

5.54 "i wish this had never happened", by which i mean "i would do this all over again every time"

5.56 i met my friend the other day, and we were sitting at a cafe. and i confessed to my friend, who was graciously
       letting me avoid eye contact, that i don't think i really ████ ███ █████ ██████ ██ ████████ ████        ████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ██████ ████████ ███ █████ ████████ █████ ██████

6.01 i can hardly even hear you anymore over my own thoughts. in the corner of my vision the paint's dripping

6.02 truly you are the god of cruelty as you grind me into paste between your wheels
       like it's nothing but an automated task to you, the unavoidable agony

6.05 i find myself wishing you to repeat it once again

6.07 god is unknowable. really? is that it? are you afraid of me or something?

6.09 wish you'd say something more useful than "all paths take us towards where we must be"

6.10 further research is necessary

6.15 this is another one of those, isn't it? we've had this before.

6.22 like a giant, rusting machinery playing 'loves me, loves me not'

6.26 ███ ██████ ████ █████ █████ ██ ███████████ ███ ███ ████

6.55 i think i would like to go to sleep

6.57 christ, how nightmarish

6.58 not even this is enough to kill it

7.00 your obsession is what keeps it going
       the call of roadside accidents too seductive to look away from
       so tiresome

7.02 █████ █████ ███████████ ████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ███ ███ █

7.08 who would ever do that just out of the goodness of their heart?
       but it's just because you are so like a saint that i love you

7.42 a broken-down altar might be good enough for the god of decay, but that's not who you're really after, is it?
       i've seen the way you look at ███ █████████ ████

8.00 telling you i am just the regular kind of tired as if i wasn't watching time itself rot and die before my eyes
       and yet the horrors persist!

8.03 █████ ██ ███ ██████████ ████ ████████ █ ████ ███

8.08 ████ ███████ ████ ██ ████ █████ ██ ████████ ██

8.54 scary like an unpredictable animal

9.05 i think i can feel capillaries bursting in my face

10.23 now that the sun is up i feel like i could keep painting and painting...

11.30 off to bed